Indecent Exposure, McDonalds and Judgemental Judy.

Tuesday was not my day.  Tuesday me, Grace and Lottie visited a friend with two girls of similar ages who had recently moved about an hour and a half away. We’d had a lovely day (it’s amazing what entering someone else’s madhouse can do for your own sanity) and on the way home we stopped at Maccy D’s for a cheeky tea. The usual chaos ensued of quick trip to the disabled toilet for all three of us followed by frantic ordering without losing or dropping either of my children during the teatime rush. 

∞TANGENT ALERT∞ So I should say that I tend to go off on tangents. In the interests of not losing you completely, my tangents will come with a health warning so you can skip straight past if you so wish. Always here to help! 

Sooooooo back to the tangent; A really lovely woman stood in front of me in the queue turned to me, a complete stranger, and said “Don’t you think it’s disgusting that children can’t even manage ten minutes to eat their dinner without needing to be on an iPad? They’ll end up as the dregs of society if they’re not controlled properly.” WOW just WOW. Decided she maybe wasn’t missing from my friendship circle so just stared at her until she was uncomfortable enough to turn back around. 

Finally sorted and settled Grace at one of Maccys’ iPads just to really give Judgemental Judy the middle finger and it bought me the ill-fated 10 minutes of peace to feed Lottie. I got Lottie settled in her highchair and chomping down on her dinner with the sort gusto that only 8 months olds can have for undistinguishable pureed vegetables. Grace decided she needed some help with sorting her drink so I stood up and walked to Grace whilst catching and simultaneously unbuttoning my shirt dress on the back of Lottie’s highchair. 


Yes, I flashed my tummy control tights with a bit of mum tum escaping over the top to the entirety of a busy McDonalds at rush hour. I managed to draw extra attention to my foof as I had my tights on inside out so the white patch sewn into the crotch just lit me up like a spotlight. Marvellous. 


Grace provided the cherry on the cake by saying “Mummy put your knickers away it’s rude!” displaying the lack of volume control typical of a 4-year-old. This then managed to grab the attention of the last few people who had been spared the sight of my midriff looking akin to a pile of tyres in a bin liner. Our cue to leave before a boob pops out. 

My Post (1)

The Journey Begins


As the title would suggest I’m a Mum Of Two Without A Clue to Grace, who is 4, and Lottie who is currently 8 months. Me and my husband have been together nearly 9 years and even we’re still working each other out as partners and as adults so God help us as parents! I swear sometimes my girls are half kid half energy drink but all of what I do is for them … even a glass of wine on a Friday!

I’m one of many mums trying to work it out as we go along trying to keep our kids, firstly, alive and secondly, happy. I have absolutely found that this can be sometimes be so all consuming that I forget about myself and my husband but there’s always been time to fix that so I consider myself blessed.

I regularly f*ck things up either by accident or by my own doing and this blog will act as an outlet for my f*ck ups, big and small, as well as a way for me to make sense of it. I also hope it’s a way for other mums to see and understand that being a ‘Pajama Mama’ or a polished mama or anywhere in between is ok and the reality of parenting is far from the projected image put out there.

Now I’m coming to terms with that (slowly) I feel like I’m making progress towards … something. God knows what but progress towards something. Do you ever feel like that? Like you’re doing all these things, activities, jobs, phone calls, in order to achieve something that you haven’t really managed to define yet? I suppose I want to say that IT IS OK TO FEEL LIKE THIS. And then to take my own advice.

So to that end maybe I’m working towards telling everyone and everything to F*CK IT and I’ll do it my way in my own time.

On potentially the only insightful note you’ll find on this site … welcome to the blog and to a window into my madhouse. Please share your experiences of your own madhouses so I don’t feel quite so alone in my mayhem! 

Thanks for joining me!

It’s always wine o’clock somewhere in the universe!